7 Dec 16

Modern Marketing!

In the advertising industry today, “marketing” is synonymous with “fraud.” “Puffing” is one thing, but denizens of the industry, like most in the media, have converted deceit into an art form!

They’ve invented a new language. Like all new languages, it sometimes requires translation into plain English:


“Free gift” Translation: “You’ve already paid for it”
“Complementary” Translation: “You’ve already paid for it”
“Up to 40% off” Translation: “On trash we can’t give away”
“Your results may vary” Translation: “This stuff doesn’t work”
“Results shown not typical” Translation: “This stuff doesn’t work”
“New and improved” Translation: “We’ve changed the wrapper”
“Minimal impact” Translation: “Life destroying”
“Not responsible for damage” Translation: “Of course we’re responsible, but we’re confident you’re stupid enough to believe this”
“A diamond is forever” Translation: “Divorced six months later”
“Subject to change without notice” Translation: “It’s all BS”
“Your call is important to us” Translation: “But not important enough for us to answer the phone”
“You could be a winner” Translation: “But more likely you’re an idiot”
“Guaranteed for life” Translation: “Submit a death certificate with your claim”
“User assumes all risks” Translation: “This will not end well”
“All natural” Translation: “Maybe at one time”
“Your flight is delayed” Translation: “We don’t care. We don’t have to”

And, when applied to politics:

“Common-sense regulation” Translation: “Universal confiscation of privately-owned guns”
“Smart-gun technology” Translation: “Who believe this are too stupid to own one”
“No guns allowed” Translation: “Who are stupid enough to observe this shouldn’t have one”
“Workplace violence” Translation: “Terrorism”
“Political correctness” Translation: “Tyranny upon free speech”
“Politically correct” Translation: “Marxist/Communist”
“Hate speech” Translation: “Non-Communist”
“Offensive” Translation: “Non-Communist”
“Free election” Translation: “Unchecked voter fraud”
“Black lives matter” Translation: “Cushy lifestyles for race-baters”
“Working families” Translation: “Welfare recipients”
“The wealthy” Translation: “The middle class”

“Many believe that wrongs aren’t ‘wrong’ when they’re done by nice people, like ourselves.”

Jason Rainbow